Something is off..

Just can't seem to get out of it on my own.

So since before the holidays, somewhere before Halloween, I slowly and quietly started to stop wanting to do anything.  I'd rather lay around and watch TV than go and do anything. Now I will admit, I am not one to go 24/7 but I've never had so much trouble getting out of bed.  I have had to really push myself to do all the holiday stuff and be engaged with everyone.  I am not sleeping, I literally can't.  I've tried it all and some heavy duty stuff, hydrocodone - makes me more wide awake, tramadol - more wide awake.   I can't tell if it's because my arm hurts (from the pressure on my spinal cord from a slipped disc) all the time or if I am just in a funk that I can't seem to get myself out of .  So ... I guess it's time for me to tell my physician right?  I'm not being a baby if I tell her that I need some help am I?   I really don't like being this way and I can feel the mood in the house is out of wack too because of it....I think seeing the Dr. is the right thing to do a little thereapy won't hurt me either.  It's hard to say the word "depression" mainly because I feel like it's an excuse or a cop out that everyone uses.  This feels a little to real though and I really don't want it to get any worse.   Yup I think that telling the Dr. is the best thing to do..... so that aside.....

It's been a busy start to the year.  I've gotten up and done my 20 minutes...okay so it's not always 20 minutes, sometimes I get up and get downstairs ... only to sit in the chair with my coffee and watch the news.  BUT 3 out of the last 5 I have done it.  Good start...weight is status quo. I've taken my meals to work which seems to work out well since I don't leave my desk for lunch usually and used to be forced to eat what I could find which was usually crap.  This way I eat a healthy breakfast and lunch as well as a few snacks.  I've been doing pretty good at dinner but not great.  But I am on my way...and it should feel better than it does...I have a long road, one day at a time and one step at a time, but I of course need instant gratification.